After SAM

Salam alaykum wa rahmatullah

Taylor's College Subang Jaya

The last time, I posted on the end of my SAM programme in Taylor's College. It's almost two-and-a-half month since then, and a lot have happened: either the insignificant daily activities, some adventurous venture up and down the peninsular of Malaysia and somewhere else, or some decisive moments in my life.

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THE NOT SO SIGNIFICANT DAILIES

Dailies = Newspapers? An interesting cartoon from a daily I once stumbled upon.

Yeah yeah, dailies are newspapers actually, but who are you to lecture me? Unless you like to 'berleter' like one of my lecturer did, of course :)

Post-SAM, my life is not entirely qualified to be classified under the adjective of 'exciting' I should say, and even admit. But nevertheless it's better than my previous holidays throughout my life. I used to be the most successful lazy bum in the world, defeating every other possible candidates of the title throughout seven continents of the world. Luckily now I had my driving licence, so I spent my academic hiatus unofficially as the driver and chaperon for my family. Kaksusi certainly demands a weekly trip to the wet market, so there I am to drive her to the wet market just opposite to Melaka Sentral. While she shops, I either bought some newspaper (occasionally picking up an issue of Mastika together), bring a book and read some chapters (which is not going to happen at home, provided that devilish laptop lurking on the top of my desk demanding full attention from me), or ate some satay on the second floor of the market. Yes, the market has two floors, and you could go up there using escalator :)

A cat I stumbled upon some time ago at Melaka Sentral market

I also go bicycling. After ages, at last there is some sort of activity which could safely be classified as 'recreation' along the inventory of things I do during my holiday. It's good not just for health but also sightseeing. Also of good use for people with bad sense of direction like me.

As I cycled, I took the initiative to meet up some old friends on the way. There's a friend of mine residing near Masjid Bukit Katil, who loves 'nasyid' to a fanatical state that he has his own group at UIA Nilai. I also keep in touch with a another friend of same age, except that he took SPM last year: he went studying abroad at Egypt (the country was then still a peaceful place) since he was supposed to be in Standard 5.

Other than that, let me see... I also helped my father deliver his documents to the bank. Accompany mum if she couldn't drive. And dad to, I drove for him once when his eye got hurt mysteriously. Other than that, don't remember much. Not because I'm forgetful (I'm too young for that) but because it's too routine you couldn't bother to remember.

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THE ADVENTUROUS VENTURES

Then, there's some adventure too. I went for BTN for a week. Not a typical BTN though. That's because usually we go to BTN with our friends by batches. But for one particular reason (wait, I tell you later) I have to postpone it. So I went to BTN with people I didn't know. But luckily there were Taylorians there as well - only that they are my seniors and that they study Engineering. Not in the mood to tell much story though, except that it was quite fun, meeting people I never known before (my Taylor's seniors and Korean programme juniors from INTEC). The facilitators are nice (they are the team from BTN Meru, though my BTN camp was not in Meru) and the programme isn't really, in a straightforward sense, a brainwashing programme. But if you went to BTN before, then you should really know the nature of the course of course, no matter how subtle the messages were.

One of the very few pictures I could snap at BTN

Oh yes, the reason why I have to postpone BTN is because I went for my holiday at Bali! My friends strutted and fretted for their BTN and I went vacationing with full joy and grace, haha! Honestly it was a blast. I enjoyed the beauty there, not forgetting that the beauty is created by nobody except Rabbul Jalil... Have an inventory loaded of pics and videos, but too lazy to upload them online in the meantime. Let's see (and pray. perhaps) when I will become diligent.

There are better pictures, just showing one of them. Sunset scenery at Kuta Beach

Then there's my trip balik kampung to Taiping and Kedah along with an excursion to Penang (second time in my life setting foot on Penang Island soil since ages ago). Met some relatives, attended a kenduri, and went 'pekena nasi kandaq' which certainly cause your mouth to be flooded like Johor, except instead of rainwater, it's flooded with saliva (hopefully not the 'basi' one). I acted as co-driver for the trip :)

And oh yes, I met Nasir Bilal Khan at Tapah RnR, southbound on the way back to Melaka :)

Kedah village scenery

Quite recently I went for a pre-departure program called Southern Gathering. I'm the only one coming who don't actually go to Australia, yet it is a fun. The people there were cordial, especially the seniors who were having their summer(?) break. Glad to meet them. Got to make some new acquaintances there too. One of them, surprisingly is a famous blogger with over 900 followers on his blogspot! A fact which I only realised after going back home and adding him on Facebook. Ah the power of 'The Social Network' :)

Them cheering for their team. A scene from Southern Gathering.

Then there's a few trips up and down from Melaka to KL and back to various places. No need for details here I guess. If you demand for details though, I bid you a 'good luck' and go find the secrets yourself at Wikileaks.

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THE IMPORTANT ONES

Life is a struggle, so it is safe to assume that the important things in life is the one that keeps you struggling. Hm, is it so? Nah, just saying for the sake of saying, in case before you start to 'hentam' me with the assumption that it is an erroneous logics, just because you study Philosophy for your semester credits :)

Anyway, roughly a month after SAM is Over, the result went out. It was dramatic: the result was released around 'Subuh'. Some people even claimed daringly that no SAM Muslim student missed Subuh prayer that day.

Cutting short the story, my result wasn't really impressive. I refreshed my result page a few times to make sure that the result I read on the screen wasn't a mistake, wasn't a dream. But the numbers satyed the same. In a split second there's an emotional stuff going on in my emotional world. One of them is a mental reshuffle - all I wanted before is a result that will enable me to live my dream to fly high Down Under. Yet at that very moment, suddenly flying is the last thing that matters.

Alhamdulillah, I don't really live in 'Limbo' like some of my more unfortunate friends did. Not long afterwards, I get my offer from Monash Malaysia. Alhamdulillah, local it is, but like I've said, since then on flying is the last thing that matters.

Then came the part where we communicate each other, asking 'apa khabar?' and 'how's your result dude?' and so on. Indeed a lot beat my score; they are dedicated and hardworking though, so they do deserve their credits. Sometimes I have to be patient knowing that some of them score less than me but managed to fly high Down Under, because of the fact that they are pursuing a course which is not Medicine. News came that a friend failed to meet requirements for his scholarship, yet he get the offer from Tasmania and after appeal, he got the greenlight to fly. Ironically, we once jested that we will together fly to Tasmania (I got the conditional offer from Tasmania but failed to meet the conditions) and become roomates... Never mind. I feel very happy for him. Flying is the last thing that matter for me now.

Then of course, keeping in touch with fellow classmates doing Medicine. Few of us realised the 'Australian Dream'. Not a good track record for our batch of course, but it is a matter of 'rezeki' and you should realise that first of all before anything else.

Then came the trip to MARA. Documents to be settled. And the endless phone calls to be made (because they are MARA, haha). Alhamdulillah, Monash matters are settled. Just time to prepare mentally and physically before I will earn the title as 'warga Monash', InsyaAllah.

There's one more story for this section though. But better keep it for another time: it's the possible prejudice from people that I do know which concerns me on this one. Again if you wish so, good luck, and go find your luck at Wikileaks.

***

THE MATTERS NEXT

Wallah A'lam. We plan, yet Alah is the best planner.

For now I will continue to be my family driver. I will continue to cycle, rejoicing the nature and recreation, seeking out places, and meeting up friends as long as I have the opportunity to do so. One Taylorian residing nearby who did Cambridge A-levels and excelling it (4 A star dude!) is holding a 'kenduri kesyukuran' in a few days and I'm looking forward to drop by.

Indeed, lately I'm delighted to meet people this holiday. I'm glad to meet two classmates from SMAPK, it cheered me to no end until they leave. Hopefully this is a good start before Monash. Undoubtedly it's in Malaysia, but the demographics there should feel like going to Australian university (without the flying part and the climate) and should demand a positive attitude towards interpersonal competence skill.

In the meantime, goodbye Australia.

***

That's all for now I guess. Thanks for reading.

Wassalam.

SAM is over

Salam alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Taylors yang akan aku rindui

Alhamdulillah, setelah lama membanting empat kerat tulang ini di ladang Taylor's, setelah lama pejam celik pejam celik menunggu masa untuk berlalu pergi, habis jugak program Pre-U aku ini. Sekejap aje. Satu setengah tahun berlalu macam itu saja.

Hari ini berakhirnya final exam aku dengan kertas Chemistry, kertas yang paling kencang. Serius kencang. Sebab paper last ni biasanya memang paper yang angker. Pada pecutan terakhir nak habiskan finals ni la tiba2 aku rasa semput, rasa malaslah sangat2 nak study. Macam SPM dulu, punyalah liat nak study PSI; mana taknya, gap paper 4 hari mana la tak rasa malas nk regain momentum study tu. Tapi bezanya Chemistry nih subjek yang killer - either you can do it or you can't. Setelah paksa2 nak study, buat past years paper pada saat terakhir (iaitu 3 jam sebelum finals sebenar hahahaha) n berpsycho dgn classmates lain sampai saturated kepala otak ni, Alhamdulillah smooth jgk nak menulis pada kertas periksa. Tapi macam zaman SPM dulu jugak, ada soklan yg tinggal. Mujurlah tak banyak yang tertinggal.

Overall, dengan rasa teragak2, aku menyimpulkan yang aku agak berpuas hati dengan finals aku. Aku rasa teragak2 ni sebab... kalau kau berpuas hati dengan finals kau, maknenye you work really hard for it. Tapi aku MALAS LAAAA MALASMALASMALAS. Aku banyak botched up aku punya internal assignments. Bile tyme belek2 untuk finals tu, selalu je aku tgk balik papers aku yg gred terok2 tu n aku wonder, "pehal la aku xbuat papers ni leklok". Especially papers maths dgn physhics, papers yang banyak terkorban dengan kemalasan aku. So kalau aku rasa berpuas hati tu macam... haish. Haha. Tapi Alhamdulillah, finals ni aku rasa puas atas faktor "feel good effect". Bile dpt jawab semua soalan tanpa banyak teragak2 masa nak menjawab tu, dan tertinggal soalan sikit2 aje, berbanding masa trials yang mana banyak sangat soklan yang aku tinggalkan lompong, so aku rasa puas hati sebab finals aku tak botched up seperti internal assessments aku yang lain. Resultsnya, tinggal kita usahakan dalam doa kita, dan kita serahkan bulat2 pada Allah.

Kertas2 periksa yang akan aku rindui (esp Maths bahahaha)

Namun bila dilihat dari sudut retrospektif, objektif asal yang aku set sebelum masuk SAM gagal. Kali pertama aku dapat surat tawaran ke Taylors, bila sama2 aku research pasal SAM dengan parents, aku realise SAM ni bukan bende main2. Fifty-fifty marks kau terbahagi pada final exams dengan assignments and class tests kau. Maknenye kene konsisten dalam study, sebab tests akan berjalan secara konsisten setiap masa dan markah akan diambil. Jadual akademik memang dijangka akan sangat2 padat. So dalam pada inilah aku set objektif untuk turut bersama dalam spirit SAM ni - untuk jadi seorang yang konsisten. Tapi hm... aku rasa aku ikut semangat tu pada awal2 semester satu saja kot. Semester2 lepas tu jadi sama aje macam dulu.


Nanti dah masuk degree kena reset balik lah objektif tu. And by that time, objektif tu tak boleh gagal. Otherwise bahananya memang akan terasa. Bukan apa, konsistensi ni bukan setakat untuk study saja. Disiplin diri dalam konsistensi itulah yang sebenarnya sangat2 ditreasured di alam pekerjaan nanti. Soft skills pun satu lagi benda yang sangat2 penting, n of course disiplin belajar akan seiring sejalan pupuk soft skills tu melalui study habits yag tersusun sekali dengan life di luar sana.

Of course, suasana berebut bas nak balik Casa yang akan aku rindui

Dahle. Takde mood nak tulis panjang2. Nk celebrate sket malam merdeka from SAM malam ni! Hahahaha.


Terima kasih aku ucapkan buat family, rakan taulan SAM, seniors ex-SAM, dan rakan2 taulan dari zaman SMAP dan lain2 zaman dalam hidup aku yang menyumbang secara langsung dan tidak langsung untuk meniupkan semangat study aku menjelang saja finals. Jasa kalian akan aku kenang sentiasa.



Sekian, wassalam.

Sebulan

Salam alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Sebulan. Boleh jadi 30 hari, ditokok tambah sehari, atau ditake for granted sehari. Masih lagi sebulan ia menjadi.

Signifikannya sebulan adalah, genap sebulan dan sehari yang lalu aku telah melunaskan pos terakhirku. Kini masa telah berlalu. Apakah aku masih mengikuti rentak lama, mengomel2 tentang kelemahan diri yang selalu aku canangkan di saluran ini setiap masa sejak hampir setahun yang lalu? Atau adakah aku telah berubah menjadi manusia yang lebih baik dari semalam dan mengimpikan hari esok yang lebih gemilang daripada hari ini dan semalam?

Aku cenderung untuk memilih yang terdahulu daripada itu. Bukan pesimis, tapi persis2 realiti menyedarkan aku dari tersengguk lena, seperti yang selalu kulakukan dalam kelas semenjak menjejakkan kedua2 telapak kakiku ini ke alam sekolah menengah atas.

Kadang2 aku rasa merosot. Aku hampir terlupa aruhan gelora emosi yang pernah kulalui ketika semester pertama, tapi aku gembira dengan sejarah mampu melepasi IELTS dan ISAT dengan baik menurut standard yang diperlukan. Tapi persediaan mental dan fizikal terhadap cabaran mendatang, bagaikan mencorakkan siapakah aku dalam waktu itu. Seorang insan yang baru tersedar dari lena mimpi, belajar bertatih menurut rentak di arena PLKN, tp tersembam di tengah jalan, tidak tahu apa harus dilakukan seterusnya. Namun tidak adil 100% diri dipersalahkan, kadang2 dunia itu sendiri naturenya sangat kejam.

Tapi aku hamba yang sangat kurang bersyukur kepadaNya. Aku lepas dua ujian getir semester pertama, seharusnya melangkah lebih yakin untuk dugaan semester kedua. Sekali lagi aku tersungkur. Nyatanya diri ini relaks. TERLALU relaks. Aku selalu membayangkan bagaimana mahu memanggil apa yang dikatakan sebagai WILLPOWER. Tidak guna berhasrat berusaha bersungguh2 tanpa WILLPOWER. Kerana tanpanya, takkan datang apa itu usaha. Aku tersembam, hampa semester kedua. Tapi behaviourisme manusia sangat menarik diperhatikan, walaupun aku kurang oportunistik untuk mengeksploitasinya, hanya memerhati dari jauh.

Semester ketiga peluang menebus segalanya, tapi WILLPOWER itu masih lagi suatu misteri buat aku. Aku masih lagi tehuyung hayang. Kini aku benar2 dalam persimpangan jalan.

Suatu lagi signifikan Sebulan menjengah - kini kurang dari sebulan aku akan bertarung dengan finals.

Apa lagi, pecutanlah!

Jangan biarkan sejarah berulang! Jangan biarkan kalam2 George Santayana menghantui hidup kau di masa akan datang, di mana kau akan hanya menyalahkan dirimu dalam lipatan sejarah!

Namun aku masih mengumpul kekuatan. Dalam pecutan masa ini, kadang2 harapan dalam hati tenggelam timbul antara pesimis dan optimis. Konsep oportunis yang aku dambakan selama ini tidak wujud, macamlah aku sendiri menggunapakai konsep oportunis itu selama ini.

Wahai masa yang tinggal kurang dari sebulan ini, belas ehsanlah terhadapku! Jangan lingkupkan aku dalam runtuhan, timbunan kerugian.

Wahai TUHAN yang Maha Esa, Maha Mengasihani, Maha Mengetahui, Maha Pemberi Rezeki, lagi Maha Belas Ehsan, telah nyata bagiku segala ujian2mu bagi menguji ketaatanmu, namun janganlah kau uji daku dengan sesuatu yang tidak dapat kutanggung pada kekerdilan bahuku ini. Wahai yang Maha Penyayang, janganlah kau uji daku dengan kegagalan di finals lantas merintangkan aral di jalan hadapan masa hadapan yang kuhias penuh optimis. Ya Allah, kurniakanlah daku kejayaan ya Allah. Limpahkanlah rezeki straight A20 dalma finals nanti, kurniakanlah daku TER yang melepasi batas 99.5 ya Allah! Terbangkanlah daku ke bumimu di seberang laut sana. Terbangkanlah ke tanah yang engkau lebih berhak dan lebih berhikmah dalam  menetapkannya. Aku berserah padamu, ya Allah, ya Arham ar-Rahimin.

*****

Thanks sahabat sudi mengangkat panggilanku walau selalu terputus. Aku rindu saat2 motivasimu dahulu ketika menghadapi getir SPM. Di saat2 ini, aku rindukan push kamu untuk menghadapi saat penentu itu, membantuku setiap kali bertemu stumble block di hadapan. Engkau di hatiku.

Sekian, wassalam...